The Voice in Your Head

The voice that says you’re not doing a good job, that someone else could do it better, that your colleagues don’t like you, that you’re not making a difference in the world.

That message may have once come from someone else, but the daily repeat? — We do that to ourselves.

When I had my very first job as a manager, I oversaw one other teacher. It was the infamous career move from peer to boss. The dynamics were awkward and I didn’t know how to communicate clearly. I would come home at night and anguish over every interaction, everything I said, and everything that wasn’t going well. I was sure that my very first direct report was harshly judging (and hating) every single thing I did.

One night, my husband looked at me and said “you know, no one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself. There’s a simple way to get to the bottom of all this. Tell her exactly what you think you did poorly and ask for her feedback.”

Boom. With that, everything changed.

I asked her for feedback. Even better, I told her what I thought I was doing poorly and asked for feedback on that specific area. Sometimes I was way off and the thing I was ruminating on was not the thing.  Sometimes it was spot on and she knew I was open to honest-to-goodness feedback.

Over fifteen years ago, this seemingly simple practice became my manager superpower.

How about you? Do you test whether the voice in your head is giving you an important message or just cutting you down (on repeat)?

How do you ask for feedback to diminish the power of "that voice" and get back to being a great leader?

(The message in this photo was broadcasted in my classroom during that first year of managing another teacher. It was written by one of my students -- wherever she is, I hope she's doling out management advice now.)